Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
