How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
