wat bout pragnant strippers??
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize