You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize