i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
