I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
