R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
