I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
