i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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