grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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