Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
