Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
