i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
