Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
