is wine microwaveable?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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