I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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