left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
