I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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