I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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