she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
