i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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