I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
