There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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