So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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