if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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