Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
