I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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