This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
