she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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