She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
