There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
