you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it glows. i had to have it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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