The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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