Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
