I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
