My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
