I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
