i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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