Rock
Scissors
Fuck
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
nutella sex= disaster
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
