How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize