i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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