I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
