I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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