so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
