I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
