DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
