Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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