the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
