My first STD was from a foam party
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
