Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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