Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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