Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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