I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
