Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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