Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
