I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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