The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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