Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Couch. On fire.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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