Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
