Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
