I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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