Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
