Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
