At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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