Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
