My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
