You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just googled if crying burns calories
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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