I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
