gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
