I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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