You can't motorboat a personality
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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