got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love you. Go after that dick
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize