Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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