She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
