nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize