I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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