He disabled his match.com account in front of me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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