is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
