ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
