I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
